How to Foster Manners
How to foster manners:
Do you ever get stares or questions about why your child isn't saying hi or thank you? First, I want you to think about it from the child's perspective. If there is someone who looks new or different to them, it's no wonder why there may be some hesitation. It's important to acknowledge their curiosity and concern. Squatting down to their eye level and providing an explanation of who this person is to them (ie, this is your mommy's friend from school, just like you have your friend xyz from school). This will be helpful in easing their concern.
That said, they may not be ready to say hello. That is ok BUT I always like to teach my kids the importance of saying hello, goodbye, please and thank you. It is important to recognize that your child is still a child and the world can be a scary place. Providing explanations in clear and concise language and allowing them time to feel comfortable is really important because it shows that you respect your child's feelings and are not viewed as a pushy parent.
Here's an example:
You're at a coffee shop and getting your child an afternoon snack.
The server hands the snack to your child and he/she doesn't offer any gratitude.
"Hmm, I see we are missing our kind words. This young man brought you your snack." Pause for your child to say something. If they don't, say "Hmm, we are not quite ready to have our snack as our kind words seem to be missing. Let's go sit down together and you will let me know when you are ready to thank the young man who brought you your snack." I am not telling the child they can’t have their snack or threatening them.
Like all concepts this has to be reinforced through modeling. If you are not good at saying thank you or hello, don't expect your child to do it either. This philosophy may not be for everyone but it is important to me and works for my family. Don't feel you need to do this!
Let me know if you want more examples of language to use when your child goes to a birthday party or a friends house etc.