Do You Feel Like a Referee?

Do feel like a referee all day long in your home?

Saying “Why were you so mean to your sibling?!” only serves to make your child feel negatively about themselves. You need to believe that your child is not intentionally wanting to cause harm to their sibling. They are trying to figure out how to control their world around them with limited skills.

Narrate what happened:
“It seems like you don’t want your sibling in your space,” or
“It looks like you want to help your sibling build (or knock down) a castle and they don’t want your help,”
Facilitate a conversation:
One child says, “I don’t want their help” or “I don’t want them touching my castle.”
Respond with “Hmm it seems they want to knock your castle down and you want to build a castle by yourself. Hmm how can we solve this together?” And then depending on the age and abilities of each child, you may offer suggestions like “should we build a different castle over here together so they can knock it down and then no one touches your castle?”

You as the parent and/or caregiver have the job to help your preschooler/kindergartener/early elementary aged child navigate the world and learn how to properly communicate their needs.