So much of parenting is caught, not taught.
You can’t help a child emotionally regulate if you don’t know how to regulate your emotions. It’s the same as when you are on a plane & have low oxygen- you have to secure your oxygen mask first & then help your child. As the parent (or soon to be parent) it’s important to evaluate your own childhood- what fears you have, your takeaways & what you may be projecting onto your child(ren).
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No judgment, but ask yourself the following:
Why do you loathe hearing your child scream?
Why do you push your kids to befriend every child?
Why do you feel the need to make your child happy all the time?
Why do you feel anxious when your child makes a mess?
Why do you feel anxious when your child hurts themselves?
Why do you need your child to like you?
Why do you need your child to respect you all the time?
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These are important questions to answer. This is not going to change overnight. This takes time, reflection, journaling, conversation, etc. Working on yourself & reparenting yourself will make you a better parent to your child(ren). I went through this journey in graduate school. There is no such thing as a perfect childhood or perfect parents.
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Example: your child screams & it triggers you. You may have grown up in a household where your parents did not make you feel safe expressing your feelings. They may have even threatened to hit you. So when your child screams, it will bring up these memories unconsciously & make you feel not only uncomfortable but not safe.
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Recognize that when your child screams, it’s not only developmentally appropriate but a teaching moment for both your child & yourself. They are learning to express themselves & feel safe expressing their emotions in front of you, & you know that you are able to be present with them & provide a safe environment.