Instead of “use your words,” validate, narrate and connect.

The phrase “use your words” comes off as condescending. Instead you want to validate, narrate and connect.

Kids can’t always find the words to describe what they are feeling and thinking. The language you use as a parent/caregiver is so important because you are their model.

Scenario/Script:
You are busy preparing a meal. Your child wants to play with you and starts screaming.

Instead of saying “use your words!” Say “It LOOKS like you are really upset… (pause). You want to play with me. I want to play with you too! Right now, I’m making lunch and it’s my job to make sure your body grows. What should we play with when I’m done?” Or better yet, invite them to come help you or allow them to continue playing on their own until you are done. Both are great ways to teach helpfulness and independent play.

*By saying it “LOOKS like” you are feeling xyz, you are not making an assumption, as they may be screaming for a different reason than you think.